All I Want Was to Fall Back Down to Sleep

I lay down with a broken heart in my bed

for it could not take the truth it so dread

my eyes were wide open but truly I am blind,

and now darkness arose in me and kept in bind.

Time was seen wasted on me again

and now my blood it had tried to drain 

my heart ache for freedom and liberty

from agony and the throes of captivity

I did not realise how damaged my soul was

until every curses made me a useless outcast

and the only time I seemed to be happy 

was when I was asleep with such torpidity

And now I had become a grief-stricken addict

nothing more than just an intoxicated derelict

for I had tasted the sweetness of insouciance 

it had put me forever in such a beautiful trance

I had come to hate the sun and daylight

my only joy was now hidden in bitter night

so much tensions and doubt ran deep

now all I want was to fall back down to sleep

So I clenched the sharp razor tightly in my hand 

and went through every little thing I had planned

why would I waste another second in existence

when every soul I'd ever touched only wanted distance?

I lay myself down on the cold frozen ground

to wait for the moment where I shall drown

as the smell of copper and rust filled my shivered room   

I watched the time began to slow and had me consume 

I closed my eyes and wept tears of blood

and braced myself for the incoming flood

on the cold floor of my god-forsaken house 
and this time in my slumber, I do not need no rouse.

I.A

It isn’t the fall that kills you

 

My blood soaked with chemicals and burning rage

as I slammed the door hard behind me
tears went down my cheeks like a storm
flooding my brain and broken heart.
I drowned again and for the umpteenth time–
your face was the hand that kept me down under
the smoking gun that shot me down in cold blood
even when I already had the white flag risen.
And yes, maybe I was a dumb little coward
to get back up and fight again for my stupid life
to put back the choices back into my stupid hands
to erase every touch and damned memories of us
to forget that I was once such a pathetic soul
for even believing in the idea of you.

But I was afraid to admit that I’d foreseen it before
I knew of the impending doom that was coming
you had me chained behind an invisible prison
that now I realised only existed in my mind.
I knew that one day, your face would hurt me
break me so hard that might wish even to die
sucking the air and life out of me ever so gladly
without a single drop of true remorse.
Despite all that, I only have myself to blame
I hid the bruises and damages in my ribcage
but I forgot it showed up on my skins and in my head
engraved forever as a painful reminder
of my own making.

I Said I’m Okay but Don’t Trust Me

 

I said I’m okey but don’t trust me, 

’cause sometimes I hide so no one could see,

that deep down inside I’m a pathetic mess,
and nothing more than everything less.

I said I’m okay but I just don’t care,
’cause life is everything, except fair,
we fall down harder and harder each day,
from unsaid things and unanswered pray. 

I said I’m okay only so you would stop asking,
the same hundred questions I’m tired of answering,
because each time I give out the same damn lie,
it is also the time when all of my pieces slowly die. 

I said I’m okay but don’t you pretend,
that you can have my heart unbent,
’cause people act like they're worried,
when in reality they just want something to feed. 

I said I’m okay but you damn know I’m lying,
because deep inside you’re also crumbling and dying,
just like every time you said you’re okay,
and everybody else pretend they’re in awful dismay. 

I said I’m okay but I wish I hadn’t,
‘cause it reminds me of the things I couldn’t,
that I am nothing more than a useless coward,
for letting myself by failure be ever devoured.

You Should Love Her

You should love her
in the most heartfelt way,
that would make her love you,
even more than she already could,

You should love her
because she is alone and fragile,
like a frail little mannequin,
that seems strong on the outside,

You should love her
like she could disappear,
and fade away in all her fears,
so make her world a little lighter,

You should love her
because she's lost her anchor,
that had sworn to protect her,
but left her broken and in tears,

You should love her
like you could lose her,
even if everyday gets a little harder,
and you wished everything could be better,

You should love her
because she would love you in return,
but sometimes she would keep a distance,
and a strong resistance,

But you should love her
and never let go of her hand,
stay with her and make your stand,
and she will make your world, forever grand.

Damage

damnum

The war left me with a deep wound
how stupid of me to let her have me consumed
Can someone help me shoot the flare
Because I'm already trapped in despair.

I wish I can say I escaped unscathed
But she's left me broken and dazed
Now how am I supposed to fix the damage
When my heart is filled with rage?!

My blood stained every pages
And flooding all the empty spaces
That used to be where you were
But you burned me and all that's left is fear.

For now I'll patch it up with a band-aid
even though the disaster is only delayed
maybe when I can no longer stand the pain
I'll just let myself become insane.

Iera Stilinski

Battle Cry

ultima pugna

I'm bruised and battered
my bones cracked and shattered
blood flows out of me like a river
sends my body into a cold shiver.

The war's still blasting in my ear
leaving me with nothing but fear
sometimes I hide the gun away
when the sky starts turning grey.

People say I keep running
from the battle and carnage crying
not wanting to see the fallen
not wanting to be the forgotten.

The undead still haunts my dreams
with their wounds and awful screams
their faces engraved on my brain
and it's making me insane.

I keep shouting out my battle cry
but god knows it's useless and futile
Maybe I should've been one of the lifeless
so I no longer have to beg for forgiveness.

by Iera Stilinski

In My Darkness

infractus 

Sitting alone in the edge of a corner
trying to mend my already broken armour
the walls I've built underneath my skin had fallen
hit me ever so steadily and annihilate my solemn

Voices pierced me like a scintillating comet
kept on making me run into my bedroom closet

the vile words engraved in my wretched brain

and every breath from my lungs they slowly drain

There were times I thought I was invincible

that from the pain I was perhaps invisible

but truly no one can escape human wrath

for it is human nature to long for the warpath

But once the darkness sets its eyes on you

the fear you rejected was only long overdue

the light will travel far and out of your reach

soon you can no longer practice what you preach

Each time we would question the unfairness

then we turn away and could not help acquiesce

so why do we waste time blaming the unseen

when a simple battle we could not even win?

Iera Stilinski

Avalanche

ater atra atrum

My dreams cold and my skin tingles
as your icy hands slithered behind my neck
can someone let me out of this burning shackles
before this madness turns into a wreck.

I knew that this was wrong at first sight
but further and further I ran from the light
for your scent was sweet and saccharine
made me oblivious to all the signs.

You appeared like a bolt of lightning
sent me deep in chaos and head spinning
you wont let me breathe and give me a chance
as if you were a stark and deadly avalanche.

My lungs ached and begged to be let free
from your terrifying and poisonous winter
emanating a bright light that consumed me
sent me deep into a cold shiver.

Iera Stilinski

The Living Dead

Pic by: Angel

Chasing what you fear
by living in death
there is no light to crawl into
When you held the spear so dear
and lose all your subliminal faith
your love only lasts for two.

You crush the rose in your hand
bleeding red crimson fire
burning deep under your skin
As you are left a-strand
With your raging desire
Bathe alone in an excruciating sin.

Seething at the sight of pleasure
for the things you find strange
and are impossible to own
You become a sad pretender
impervious to change
until you see it on your stone.

Iera Stilinski

Paper

picture by: Jenipho

I only live for you,
so give me your words,
For I’ll be nothing without them.
Stories to keep me sane,
as I go through the stormy days,
without your presence,
next to my aching heart.

Say the words of console,
to envelop me whenever the cold comes,
the sweet whispers of love and passion,
to stop the tears from ever flowing,
when the images of you recur,
in every minute and moment,
of my miserable life.

The day they stop coming,
will be the day I die.

Iera Stilinski

An Open Book

Look, at me.

See through me.

I’m an open book.

Understand me.

Then hurt me.

Like a paper cut.

But,

I won’t cry.

I won’t lie.

I won’t die.

I promise. 

Iera Stilinski